Saturday, March 3, 2012

Holding Him

For my first entry I thought it fitting to explain the title...

“Holding  Him”, this is what I need to do. Hold onto my savior, hold onto to the One who gave me His everything, hold onto the One who pulled me out of darkness and despondency and placed me into His radiant, cleansing light. I don't need to hold on to my Savior because He might let go, this is not His heart. I need to hold onto Him because I am responding to the One who is holding me.

Today I was listening to the radio and a Kari Jobe worship song came on where she sang "you hold my every moment", "That's it!" I thought, He holds my every moment. If this is true, then why am I not laying hold of Him in all of my moments? He is there. He makes purpose in the monotony, He teaches me through the aching, He holds my hand as I climb new heights with Him, He is there, in every moment. In Ephesians 4:4-6 we are told to...

travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. (The Message)

This is big, this means that I have the opportunity to engage with Him and possess all He has for me within every moment. He is present in all! This isn't a cause to intercede 24/7 or to make sure I talk to Him without pause; I don't do this with my husband which I am sure he appreciates ; ). I don't believe the Lord wants us to work up a spiritual fervor that is apart from intimacy with Him. I believe the Lord longs to be still with us, He enjoys our laughter, He wants to be invited in to the tears. He is there, He is there.

What does this look like? I am figuring it out and failing : ). I notice that in many situations I work to control my circumstances so that life is the way that I believe it should be.  For example, this Sunday I wanted to make it through the worship service without having to leave to tend to my son, Isaiah. I love to worhsip with my little boy in my arms and I also love to enjoy an entire service : ). Well, this particular Sunday he was beyond exhausted and nothing was making him happy, he just needed his bed. I proceeded to walk around the building to find a solution but longing to worship. I finally thought to step outside as my son LOVES nature and being outside brings a stillness over him at ALL times. To me this felt like surrendering all of my plans and surrendering to the immediate need. I kept the door half way open holding Zae (Isaiah) in my arms and I could actually hear the music from the sanctuary. They were singing "All creation, bows before you, we acknowledge your sovereignty..." While I am listening to these words I spotted an eagle soaring in the sky over Zae and I and my heart broke into worship as I realized that my sovereign Lord and King wanted me to worship Him but on His terms. He was leading me away to see His glory and give me something greater than what I had desired. I got to hold my precious boy, sing of God's splendor and look out at His creation. If I could only learn to TRUST Him!! To know that He is sovereign over it all and He is looking out for me. I don't have to cover my moments He has them covered, as an eagle covers with its wings.

If I would only relent in the middle of the struggle I could grasp what the Lord wants me to lay hold of. Let go Shantae of how you think things should be and embrace the greater that God has. Hold Him.

My husband and I were watching our little one struggle on the floor as he rolled around trying to learn to crawl and grasp the things he wants to hold. It feels so unfair when you are in the middle of it. Why do I have to struggle? Why can't it just be easy!?!! Oh, the sovereignty of our Lord, He sees the bigger picture and He has bigger plans than the struggle, bigger plans than the shifting on the floor, oh my dear boy, He has plans for you to walk and one day run into His arms!!

So...I want to let go, let go and lay hold. Let go of the things that ensnare and entangle, the things that dominate my thinking and draw me away from the One I love. Let go of the things that tell me that my agenda is most important and I must serve me, no, there lays bondage. I want to soar and surrender. 

Thank you Jesus for holding me, I'm settling into You.

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