Ouch. You mean you are trying to deal… with me? How about my circumstances? What about everyone else around me?
You love me don’t you, that’s why it hurts.
It’s so easy to disengage; it releases from effort and responsibility or at least abstains from effort and ignores responsibility.
God is an engaged God. He is a parent that is fully vested and He will not relent. He wants the whole of us and He will not sacrifice our hearts for what is “fair”. He will not choose peace over the warfare that shakes us down to the core of what we truly believe. His goal is for us to choose Him. He is a jealous God and He disciplines those He loves as a parent does their child with intent to mold that heart to what is right, pure and lovely. Molding hearts toward freedom, molding hearts to the Great I Am. He cares less about comfort and more about us turning to the Comforter. He does not care about “Your Best Life Now” at the expense to your life in eternity, with Him.
I’m so grateful. I’m so glad that He has chosen again and again not to leave me in my filth because of a concern He might offend me or doesn’t want me to be mad at Him. He instead pursues and convicts, challenges and prods that I might know Him! He wants me to be free.
When our children do something wrong, it is so easy to turn a blind eye but really who for? It’s for us because we have to deal with the repercussions of their anger. If we choose however to sacrifice their momentary comfort we lead them to what is right and ultimately to the ability to choose life over death!
God was dealing with me this Sunday. I woke up anxious for really no valid reason. I was thinking about the day ahead and how to make it all work and make everyone happy. I wanted to be the best wife, mother, family member oh and please myself. I got to church and the day just wasn’t going the way I had planned, Zae took his naps at different times than I wanted which affected visiting time with family and an unplanned “date” in the car with my husband while “little man” slept in the back for an hour and a half! I just felt like a failure and like I couldn’t make it all work. I couldn’t take care of my son to the best of my ability and fulfill other wants in my day, it just wasn’t going to happen. During worship at church earlier in the day I was speaking to the Lord telling Him how bound up I was on the inside and I felt like he told me to “unravel” to come undone.
I looked up the dictionary definition of the word “unravel” and it means “to separate or disentangle the threads”, also to “free from complication or difficulty”. Let go.
How do I do this?
He needs to but I respond. He is offering a way out but I need to take it. He extends grace but I need to accept it.
The way I unravel is to “disentangle” from the “thing” that binds, the thing I am focusing on, the thing that is gripping my attention and causing the fear, friction and restlessness then turn my gaze.
I need to get wrapped up in Him, disentangle from the fret and get entangled to my Lord.
The Word teaches us to lay our burdens down, laying “it” down and letting Him pick you up. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you…”(Psalm 55:22)
One of my favorite lines in the book called “A Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp is where she states “worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is”.
It is through prayer that we take action against our burdens. It is through prayer that we choose to rest in our God, abide in Him. Prayer is as simple as telling our Father what is weighing us down and then asking Him for help, asking Him to rescue. He knows the PLAN FOR RESCUE.
This means that we trust Him with whatever the “way out” might be because He knows us so intimately, when we bring our burdens to Him it might not even be the actual burden we need rescuing from but what lies underneath. This is why we have to open up to Him and let him guide us into truth, we are simply unable to get there on our own.
Going back to my day on Sunday, I believe the Lord was asking me to relent. I had a heart issue of control; trying to make happen what I thought should happen, upset because I wasn't enough when I should be delighted that HE IS. Behind my issue of control there is a deeper issue of TRUST. The Lord is challenging me to let go of me; frail, sinful, unknowing….and hold on to Him; bold, omnipotent, lover of my soul. I was leaning on myself, believing that I needed to make the day be what it should be and over anxious that I could not fulfill all that was “needed” and “required” of me. I fell short, I fall short…but He doesn’t. He works in and through it all with or without me. I need only to trust Him.
Unravel, let it go and entangle Him.